I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
is it fun? or sober?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
