At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
