the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
