so explain again why im purple
no
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize