either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So squirting runs in the family.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
