I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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