Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
