i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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