I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
