It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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