Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
