when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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