I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everyone says I win the strip club
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
