Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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