You're so nebulous sometimes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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