omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
