I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
