Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
