See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
