Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
