I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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