How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize