Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
