tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
