I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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