Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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