just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
