Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
