There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
