the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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