Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
