So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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