a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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