dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
