I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
