lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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