Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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