Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize