I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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