Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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