i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
