planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
