If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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