hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Your penis caused this!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
