i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize