she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
