I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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