cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
