I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
