ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize