i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
