Just mADE A PArabola og urine
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
