I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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