shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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