I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
