what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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