erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
