you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
