So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
