I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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