The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
