capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
