We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize