Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize