I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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