my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
