I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
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