Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize