It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this beer tastes like vomit already
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
