you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
