My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
