I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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